Well, last week’s post asking How Many Kids is Too Many? sure did spark some debate!  I’d like to thank the people who commented but kept it friendly, even the ones who did not agree with me.  I certainly expected some people to take issue with my position on the Duggars, but wasn’t anticipating the “mompetition” comments that took direct digs at me and Charlie.  The sad part is that almost all of them were wholly unrelated to the concept of having multiple children.  I get it.  Some of you do not like working moms and daycare.  Thank you for your input.  Is it bad that I chuckled at the irony of the fact that almost all of those derogatory comments came in on the weekday that I spend at home with Charlie?

For those of you who wrote in to (nicely) disagree and tell your stories of growing up in big families, I thank you.  Many of you opened my eyes to how a bigger family can work and how the love might be different than in a smaller family but it’s still there.  I was hoping it would be obvious that I knew that having 5 or 6 kids is way different than having 20, but I probably should have clarified that my issue wasn’t with the families who have slightly more than the 2.3 child average.  I stand by my beliefs that 20 kids is way too many, working moms love their kids just as much as stay-at-home moms do, and that daycare can do wonderful things for the socialization and development of kids.  BUT, I thank the productive commenters for showing that there are many ways to raise a child that all work and all show love.

Interestingly it was two of the nastiest comments to last week’s entry that sparked my idea for this week.  The commenters espoused that I “choose” to work because I’m materialistic and need to own too many things. I thought of these words as my husband and I strolled around Babies R Us for what felt like the millionth time this month, having gone in for something essential but walking out with a few other things that we probably didn’t need but made life much easier.  When I was pregnant with Charlie, I spent the first few months of my pregnancy refusing to register at “BRU,” insisting that I wanted to avoid the consumerist culture of big box stores and try to find as much of our baby gear at independent places at possible.  But then a very good friend pointed out to me that it would be other people who would be buying us most of this gear and we were basically asking them all to pay much higher prices for a gift for us, just so we could say the item didn’t come from a big store.  She was right.  And in the end, I registered for our big items at Babies R Us, but kept a larger registry at MyRegistry.com that had a variety of items from other stores and Etsy.  Since then, I’ve probably purchased more items than I wish to admit at Babies R Us, but I almost always check out online independent stores before buying to see if I can get something at a better price or higher quality somewhere else.

I also swore during pregnancy that we would be minimalist parents because we live in a tiny city house.  Our first floor is essentially one room which has to house a dining space (our kitchen is not big enough to be “eat in”), a living space, an entry way, and a play area for Charlie.  Now that we’ve thrown in a pack n play, a play mat, a swing, an exersaucer (all gifts), and a space-saver high chair, it’s getting pretty tight in there.  The rooms upstairs are small, so it’s hard to have an extra room serve double duty as a work space (we both do a significant amount of work from home, so it is a necessary evil) and a play room, but we’re working on it.  Needless to say, lots of “stuff” feels like even more in a space that’s so small.  Nonetheless, each item we choose to buy does have a purpose, and I have seen them each aid in Charlie’s development (believe it or not, we working moms do actually pay attention to that stuff).

The idea that most moms work so they can shop more strikes me as incredibly sexist, but also pretty dated.  Do we also dress like Melanie Griffith in Working Girl?  Maybe all my problems could be solved by moving to the country and starting a homemade baby food line a la Diane Keaton in Baby Boom.  Bottom line: I don’t know a single working mom who does it so that she can go on shopping sprees.  In fact, most of my friends who have two-income households are pretty tight with the purse strings.  My husband and I both work because we have advanced degrees that we are paying off, and we want to be able to put some money into savings for both our retirement and Charlie’s college education.  Without student loans, it would be possible for one of us to stay at home.  Not easy, but possible.  But we wouldn’t trade my law degree or his PhD for anything.  I’m glad that Charlie will grow up with two parents who value education as much as we do.  Of course, an advanced degree is not required to show a love of learning, but we both worked very hard for our degrees and paid for them with no help from anyone else.  I’m glad that Charlie will get to know the importance of the sacrifices we made to continue our educations as far as possible.  It’s not about the diploma on the wall as much as it is about hard work and accomplishing goals, which can be demonstrated in many ways other than going to grad school.

I think that what I’ve realized since Charlie came into our lives is how much or how little we buy isn’t some sort of badge of honor that measures how good of a parent someone might be.  There has to be a balance between what we think is right in terms of how much we consume and what works for each family.  I try to be as conscious of our spending as I can, but I also am willing to put out money for quality items that I think are good purchases, especially when it comes to quality food for us to eat or things we will use over and over again. But there also comes a point when I need to just stop worrying about what people might think and focus on spending time with my family.  Plus, wouldn’t it be slightly hypocritical to slam someone for buying too much when I write for a blog in which I review products and encourage people to buy the ones that I like the best?

So, to recap: consumerism is in the eye of the beholder, working moms are human beings and not shop-o-matics, and Babies R Us is more addictive than most parents want to admit.

Do you consider your spending habits to be over the top?  What “things” are you willing to spend more money on?  Working moms: what is your opinion on slouch socks and tennis shoes as commuter footwear?