Back to School Lessons for Mamas

This is only the third August in my entire life that I have not gone “back to school”.  Before I had my children, I was a high school math teacher, and before that obviously a student. Around this time every year I get that anxious back to school feeling, want to run out and buy every new school supply available, and start planning my classroom and lessons.  Walking the aisles of Target today I seriously had to remind myself I had no need for the cute assorted color set of binder clips, and just had to walk away.

This year however, there is one little person in our house going to school for the first time, my toddler will be going to preschool one day a week this fall.  So I was able to get a little bit of my back to school fix by outfitting him with a new lunchbox and backpack.  In preparing him for the upcoming school year, I starting thinking about the fact that for the first time ever, I am on the other side of the school day. I am no longer the teacher, this time I am the parent.  I started thinking about all the parents I have dealt with over my teaching career, and I decided I needed to take a moment and reflect on what made the “good” parents “good” and the “bad” parents “bad”.  Because, as much as I hate to admit it, a lot of times this is how we think of the majority of the parents we are in contact with. I am determined to be one of the “good” parents as much as I can, while also always being an advocate for my son. So, I thought about it, and talked with a few old colleagues and teacher friends, and came up with a few back to school notes for you mamas out there. Please understand these are thoughts from my experience only, and of course each situation is unique, but just wanted to give a big picture for us all to think about!

Introductions

We know you want to make a good first impression on your child’s teacher. However, emailing, calling, or stopping by in the first two weeks simply to introduce yourself is really not necessary.

Here this is frustrating for the teacher: Teachers are so busy learning kids names, figuring out the new schedule, organizing their classroom, trying to get everything situated, etc, etc in those first few weeks. Chances are, if you introduce yourself too soon, the connection of parent to child is lost on the teacher, as they haven’t yet learned the kids in their classes. Plus, they are super busy! Wait a week or two, then make your introduction. After this grace period, teachers know their kids names, a few things about each student, and are able to connect the parent to the child.  Thus making your introduction much more meaningful.

Communication

Please check with your own child’s teacher as to how to communicate with them on a regular basis. For example, the school I taught in, I never was around a phone, and didn’t have access to voicemail.  If a parent called the department office, chances are I didn’t get the message, and if I did, it was at the end of the day, and the call wouldn’t be returned until the next day or later depending on my schedule. However, I was able to respond to a parent’s email within a few hours.  And on this note, please don’t ask your child’s teacher to simply drop you an email every Friday or so as to how little Johnny is doing.

Why this is frustrating for the teacher: A teacher has anywhere from 20 to 130 ( middle and high school teachers) little Johnnys.  If every mother asked this, the teacher would spend all weekend emailing individual updates. Not to mention we are human, and will remember all 20 out of 21 parents who requested this, and you will be the 1 who was forgotten, and be upset.  Instead, if you want an update on a Friday, email the teacher, and ask her specific things you want to know (not just “How is Johnny doing?”). The teacher will really appreciate the parent initiative, and having a concrete email in her inbox to respond to right then makes it so much easier on the teacher to get you a response. Again, you have one Johnny to remember to check up on, she has 100.

Open House

If your child’s school has an Open House night sometime in the first week or so of the school year, please attend. We love meeting parents at this time. However, this isn’t a conference. Taking a moment to introduce yourself, maybe even hand the teacher a card with your contact information on it, but please be aware this isn’t the time to tell Mrs. Smith all about little Johnny’s special needs, favorite books, what he did over the summer, concerns you have for the year, etc.

Why this is frustrating for the teacher: Those specific questions are all time-consuming, child-specific things that require you to set up a conference one on one with the teacher. Keep your introduction brief, and remember there is a line of mamas behind you waiting to say hello to Mrs. Smith as well.

First Day for the Younger Crowd

Remember, I taught the big kiddos, so this suggestion came from a first grade teacher friend of mine. This is also one that I know I am going to have to listen to myself this year when dropping off my 2 year old for the first time ever. I know it is going to be a rough day for both of us, but I also know I need to listen to this advice.  The early grade teachers love to see parents walk their child to the classroom on that first day or first few days. But, they really do insist that lingering only makes it harder to say goodbye.

Why this is frustrating for the teacher: The lingering prolongs the tears and may upset other kids. There will be tears, but these teachers promise, once you leave, within a few minutes 99% of the kiddos have moved on and are getting acquainted with their new class.  Remember, the teachers have done this 100 times more than you, they will be able to handle the tears.  Now, you may be crying in the parking lot in your SUV for an hour, but that is OK… I will be too!

I’ll be back each week this month with some more tips while wearing my teacher hat, so ask away if you have specific questions or comments. Do YOU have any back to school advice for other mamas?

{Photo courtesy of cienpies} nazreth