It’s official: my daughter is a biter. Yes, that sweet little nearly 17 month old girl you see there has a serious biting problem. Thankfully thus far she’s only be gnawing on her brother. (Clearly he doesn’t share my relief.) But I am REALLY worried about this summer when she starts attending Mom’s Day Out. I’m sure she’ll be that girl who bites every child in her class. I can already envision the calls from the teachers to tell me she left teeth marks on some poor child.
I have no idea how to handle it. My son was not a biter (that I know of) so this is my first time dealing with this. I assume it’s due in large part to the fact that she has no other way to express herself. She still doesn’t talk much. But, her biting is not limited to when she’s mad or when her brother takes a toy or something. They’ll be playing side by side and next thing you know she’s leaving teeth marks on his shoulder. (And it only take a second and, I swear, she’s close to drawing blood. Girl may only have 6 teeth, but she knows how to use them!) To this point, I’ve been very consistent and said the same thing every time she does it (“We don’t bite. Biting hurts. No bite!”), but she continues to do it almost every day.
Did/does your child bite? How did/do you handle it? I’d love some advice on how to muzzle my little biter!
Jessica M
April 13, 2010I share your problem! My 20 month old son is a biter! My older son is 4 now and he never ever bit. But my little one has bitten me several times, he’s bitten my husband and his brother. He isn’t talking yet and he does it when he’s angry or frustrated. Recently, we were in church when he ran out of goldfish crackers…he swung his head down and bit me right in the thigh….during church! It was black and blue for nearly a week.
Anyway…I’ve consulted his pediatrician because I just don’t know how to handle it. I was told not to react but to calmly (and sternly) say NO and then put him in a pack & play for 2 minutes. Afterwards we say-no biting, only hugs.
I’ll be honest, it isn’t a miracle cure. He’s still biting. But, it makes me feel like I’m doing something about it, and he seems to regret his decision after a time- out moreso than before when I just ignored it.
If anyone has a better idea, I’m all ears!
Out of frustration this weekend we put my daughter in her crib (after she bit her brother for, like the 4th time that afternoon). I hate to associate where she sleeps with punishment, but we couldn’t think of another place to “confine” her.
I think, like you, I just need to do something about it and have a consistent reaction. And then I’ll keep my fingers crossed she outgrows this quickly. Your son, too!
Tara J.
April 13, 2010My daughter just turned 1 year old and right now I am the unlukcy recipient of her shoulder bites. One day she took my breath away and left a really bad welt. I too am hoping that it doesn’t go any further.
Those little ones can bite freaking hard! My poor son has the bruises to prove it.
Tia
April 13, 2010She’s probably just trying out a new thing and the phase will eventually pass. But, until then, if you’ve been consistently telling her no and she is still doing it I would put in her crib for a time out every time she tries it. So far none of mine have been biters but my friends that have had them have all said the same thing. The only way to get them to stop is to remove them from the situation. If they get any kind of attention for it, they will do it again. Good luck.
You know, I’ve wondered if she does it not so much to get a reaction out of me, but out of her brother. She often bites him when she’s trying to play with him. She just doesn’t have words yet to express herself so she chomps down on him.
Lori
April 13, 2010Hi Shopping Mama — we are going through this now. Our daughter is 2 years old so any suggestions I have may not be totally age-appropriate.
Here’s a few:
1) check for teething. This was the “first” reason for biting with her. Tylenol seemed to quell the biting episodes for a while.
2) determine the trigger. If it is a frustration thing, try immediately saying “no bite!” and bench/timeout. After a minute, ask her to tell you what happened (you will have to help her if she’s not too verbal). Work with her to come up with suggestions on how to respond. For K, we wound up with a hand forward and shouting “No Thank You”…which is odd, but it is a better response than biting. Eventually, just getting her to try to respond verbally before she bites is going to help.
3) Now before we go somewhere with children, we go through the “rules” of the day, which are usually “No Biting, and Be a Good Listener”. Putting that in her head in the morning seems to be doing the trick (crossing my fingers).
You’ll see a lot of other advice on the web, but just keep in your head through it all that it is truly just a phase, and it’s not anything you’ve done parenting-wise. Be patient and understanding to both the biter and the bitee. Let caregivers know she’s been having some biting issues so that they can avoid triggers. She will grow out of it (very few high schoolers bite on a regular basis
).
Good luck!
Lori, thank you so much for the thoughtful response and awesome advice!
I suspect my daughter IS teething. (And it’s about time. She’s 17 months with only 6 teeth!) But I can’t see any budding teeth yet and the biting has been going on for at least several weeks.
I really do hope that as she gains some more vocabulary and the ability to express herself it will lessen. I love the advice of talking through what happened and giving her a verbal response instead of biting.
And, you’re right. The only high schoolers I know that bite are Cullens. (Yes, dorky Twilight reference!)
Mrs. Claus
April 13, 2010Separation may be the best remedy. At 17 months old, separation from either yourself or the family may be the only thing that she can relate to correct the biting behavior.
It’s all about redirecting the behavior to something acceptable.
I’m not a big fan of biting back, or spanking for biting. It’s like trading one bad thing for another.
Hey, I’m just sayin’
Hana
April 13, 2010Ah yes! I thought I was gonna get off without having to deal with this but I was wrong. My first 2 children never bit anyone but a few mos ago my 24 mos daughter started biting. So far she only bites on her brother and sister (and me once) but I’m hoping she doesn’t try to bite anyone outside the family. She is around other children quite often in my MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) group but hasn’t bitten anyone yet. Each time she does it in our home I immediately tell her “no, biting hurts!” and put her in time-out. She usually does it when she’s mad or frustrated but lately I’ve seen her nibbling on her siblings while playing…kind of a love bite I guess. Either way I am quick to tell her “no, we don’t bite, we hug”. Hopefully this phase will pass soon as I too don’t want to be known as the mom with the biting kid!
I know what you mean – I so don’t to be the mom of the biter!
My daughter isn’t around other young kids much, so I think it will be interesting when she starts MDO this summer. Here’s hoping the phase is over by then!
Carrie
April 13, 2010I just blogged about this last week. My daughter (10 months old) is also biting, also just her brother, so far. And he is awful to her all day, so I’m not surprised that she’s finally fighting back. I’m just trying to separate them at the times of day when they get on each other’s nerves most, like when I’m cooking dinner and not around. But I think it’s going to be an ongoing process. Good luck!
Jana
April 13, 2010I don’t have a biter, but I have a 21 month old hitter (who talks plenty so she can’t use that as an excuse!). We tried timeouts to no avail and I was really starting to lose my patience. Our new strategy is that when she hits, everyone leaves the room she’s in. I don’t say a word and I don’t even look at her. Eventually she comes running to find us and acts apologetic. It’s gotten much better but it’s still a problem.
Good luck!!
Cat
April 13, 2010You’re definitely not alone. My older daughter Kaydee was a biter, but not quite so much as you describe. She called it quits after repeated trips to time out.
Shell
April 13, 2010So, this might not be a popular piece of advice. But, it was a suggestion from my son’s preschool teacher when he was in the 2 year old class and would bite. When he would bite, I would take a qtip, dip it in listerine, and swab his gums, while telling him no biting.
I’m cringing b/c it sounds a little cruel, but it was really effective. And not something that actually harmed him, just made him feel uncomfortable and it was definitely associated with the biting.