Confession time: it’s not easy for me to get both kids dressed, pack a diaper bag with a morning’s worth of gear and arrive somewhere on time. I’ve totally come to accept that I am not one of those put together moms who is on top of everything. Just not me. But, I do try to get out and about to keep Toddler Boy active and socializing with other kids. So, imagine how annoyed I feel when I do actually get us somewhere with the sole purpose of him having fun and he acts like a total pain in the arse.
Exhibit A: Story time at the library last week. What kid doesn’t enjoy a good story being told by a sweet old lady, right? Well, that would be mine. He had a meltdown of epic proportions because I actually forced him to share the big “Embery” (aka Emily) train at the library train table. I gave him a couple warnings to get his act together and stop trying to sabotage the train play of other children or we were going to leave. That didn’t work and we had to leave. Oh dear lord, the tantrum that ensued was so.freaking.embarrassing. (And, note to the library workers who I know were only trying to help, but seriously? Do not try to please my child by offering him a juice box as he’s kicking and screaming on the floor like a maniac. We do not encourage that behavior, m’kay?)
Exhibit B: Toddler aerobics at the Y this morning. It’s a fun half hour for toddlers to dance, jump on mats and act silly. It’s all fun and games until a little girl has the audacity to try and go through the tunnel after Toddler Boy. Oy. He lost it. I took him aside to try and calm him and understand and, gasp, rationalize with him about the reality of sharing the Y’s equipment. As soon as he was calm he would run off to play only to lose it a few minutes later. At least we lasted until the end of the class today.
Where did my sweet boy go? Toddler Boy can be the most kind, compassionate, loving little boy you’ve ever met. And, until recently he was very well behaved and I was always so proud of him when we played with other children. But this recent behavior? No fun for either of us. And, we live in a small town and see the same moms and kids over and over again. I’d hate to think of my kid as that kid – the one who is spoiled, always crying and poorly behaved. He deserves (and is) better than that reputation.
So, what should I do? Should I just hibernate until the storm passes and my nice kid returns? Should I power through and proudly take my temper-tantrum-prone Toddler on the town? What do you do?
Nicole Feliciano
July 13, 2009It will go away. It's just a phase. Everything is cyclical. You are doing your best giving warnings and then following through with the punishments. I know it stinks right now, hang in there.
Catherine
July 13, 2009Oh boy, can I relate to this. We had a "talk" about whining in the car today and as soon as it was over, BOTH of my boys started whining. My 2yo is in the tantrum and screaming phase and my 4yo is in the "woe is me" phase. Nicole's right – it really is cyclical and your sweet little boy will come back.
Heather
July 13, 2009This post is so true of my experiences with my boys! My 2 year old is "that little boy" in our town!! I know it's better to suck it up, go out, and let each experience be a learning experience. (Easier said than done!) I think the best thing I've ever heard was from 2 women in my playgroup, before I was really close to them…. who said that they knew when I was anxious b/c of my boys behavior… but they were never as bad as I thought they were. I guess as a mom it's normal to think your kid is the worst one out there…. even when they aren't!! And Toddler Boy is soooo cute! How could that sweet little guy make such a fuss for you!? Good luck with hom!
Emily B
July 13, 2009Wow, I have no advice, only admiration for moms who keep their cool while dealing with kids going through times like these.
Thanks for your comment on my blog today. It's been a rough few weeks, but we're getting better day by day. Hopefully we'll have some more good news in the near future.
Felsen Family
July 13, 2009Hi Kate! I am laughing hysterically right now! Misery loves company, I guess. Let me know if you get it figured out
)
Debbie
July 13, 2009I know how you feel. My 3 year old boy is one of the most mischevious kids I've ever met. The other day he locked me out of the house when I was taking the garbage out. Fun stuff. He can also throw some pretty big tantrums. I think you are handling the situation the best you can. You're a good parent, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Every child throws tantrums. You shouldn't worry about what the other moms are thinking. They probably just feel bad and sympathize for you because they understand what you're going through. Hang in there. You're doing the best you can. Things will get better.
Celeste
July 14, 2009I really think you shouldn't worry too much about this. I know that, coming from me, someone w/o kids that might sound a bit "cliche"…
But, I've been an aide in a preK3 class for a few years & I've seen these similar "patterns" in multiple boys (all of the age 3). This past year, there was a little boy who, at the beginning of the year, was probably one of the quietest, most "under-the-radar" kids to date. But, as the year went on he started to act up and throw fits and such.
I told his mom one day when she came to pick him up that I had begun to notice behavior changes in him. She said she had noticed at home too. Well…to make a longer story short…after thinking it over a lot and "analyzing" the situation, what we (his mom, myself, and the teacher) realized is that he is simply a BOY, and boys do seem to go through these phases a bit more than girls. It wasn't like this boy was "bad" or anything…he just seemed overwhelmed and was having a difficult time channeling these emotions that were somewhat "new" to him. His dad worked out-of-town and wasn't home much, and his mom admitted that she was just beginning to learn how to be a "boy mom" – he's her only child and she admitted that she never really thought that her son would ever have any behavioral problems and that she had never taken steps to try to make sure they never started.
Now, what seemed to really help with this boy was simply TIME. By the end of the school year, he really, really improved. He was no longer throwing fits or aggravating the other kids. I think before, he was simply trying to get attention…from other kids. Since he doesn't have any siblings and it mostly just him & his mom at home – I think he was "jumping at the chance" to "show off" to the other kids.
Kate, I really don't think you need to worry about your cutie. It really is a phase. I think if you just continue to praise him when he's doing the right thing and be firm when he's not – this won't last long.
P.S. I'm sure you already do this…but I've noticed this "tactic" always seems to work well when I'm having to "reprimand" kids:
I call them over to me, then I have them look me in the eye. If they start to look at the ground, or the other kids – I keep making them look me straight in the eye. I must say that I am SO not a "master disciplinarian" – and it's hard for me to be "the mean one," so this seems to make up for that – the kids really realize that "Miss Celeste means business" LOL
The Shopping Mama
July 14, 2009Thanks, everyone, for the advice and words of encouragement.
I'm already breaking my housebound promise and taking the kids to the splash park and, gasp, the grocery store. That's clearly a recipe for disaster, but we have no food in the house. My stomach trumps my head in this case!
Angela Hood
July 14, 2009I am in the same boat with my 2.5 yo dd. This just started within the last week. I currently am handling it by cancelling any fun portions of the day planned and just getting teh bare necessities done. If this means finishing the Target trip with a screaming child then so be it. Sadly curtailing her fun also maans curtailing my fun, but I know this won't last for long!!!!
Kendalls
July 14, 2009Hi Kate~
Don't stay home! You'll go nuts!! Just keep smiling! Remind me of my own advice in a few months, K??
Becca